We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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