And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
