After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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