I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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