I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
