I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
