if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
