I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
