I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
