apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
