Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
