Kareoke will never be a sober sport
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
