Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
