It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
