Screwed.edu
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
