It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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