HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
