You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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