I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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