**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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