Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
