your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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