He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
