i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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