If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
