dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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