Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
