god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
