hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
