he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just high enough for therapy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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