You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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