You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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