Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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