And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
