she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
