My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
