a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
