Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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