I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
