I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
