there's paper in my vomit.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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