We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
