So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
