Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Buhtt sex?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
