Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
