I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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