youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
