So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it penis luge time yet?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
