Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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