Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
