just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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