Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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