can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
