He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
