yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
