Umm I'm too high to move.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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